


by chance

by syncxpate



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, alpha!key, omega!jjong, side ontaeming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-04-26 06:46:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14396526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syncxpate/pseuds/syncxpate
Summary: kibum meets a strange omega in the forest at the edge of their town by chance. they have sex. and kibum thinks that's the end of the story. fast forward three years later, the same omega is taken in by his pack.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is testing ground really haha. not sure where the plot is going but i had fun writing it so far!

_ the scent is what wakes kibum up from his perch on the tree, an almost too sweet smell that winds its way past the hazy fog of sleepiness. and without thinking, he climbs his way down to follow it.  _

 

_ it's emanating from a boy, curled up near the bottom of the tree. there's something too erratic about his breathing, too shallow and gasping and kibum draws closer, concerned and intending to help. but the scent intensifies as he leans forward and there's a carnal part of him that wakes up at that, the part of him he likes keeping under wraps. "omega," he realises, with a twist of his gut. then "heat". _

 

_ he freezes; every nerve in his body is urging him to go closer, to touch, to fall into the omega lying there and forget about the world for a few minutes, a few hours. he's so small, kibum thinks, half despairingly. kibum could break him, kibum almost wants to. the smell is familiar now, the distinct mix of slick and arousal and he desperately wants to run forward, let instinct overrule his senses and bow to the more primal part of himself.  _

 

_ kibum curls his hands into his fists, nails digging into his palms, hoping the pain would ground him. there's a stereotype about their kind; that they are ruled by physical needs, that they don't mind what body is under them as long as there is one, regardless of who gets hurt along the way. and even though he knows it isn't all true, knows many alphas who are far from that, right now, battling with the desire spinning in his gut, he's afraid he  _ could _ be just like that. _

 

_ kibum is still trying to figure out how to force his body backwards when the omega looks up, his eyes wide and glazed over. "alpha," he whispers, hoarsely. and his voice is like temptation coiling around kibum's throat.   _

 

_ when kibum doesn't move, the omega lets out a begging whine. "please." and there is almost too much plea in the words to reject. "please," he repeats one more time, invitation and promise in the dragged out word. he lets out another long needy mewl, eyes pinned to kibum's, dragging his fingers down his own chest and kibum knows he's fucked. he lurches forward when the omega reaches out and then there's a mouth hot on his throat and fingers lifting clothes from his body and blessedly his mind finally shuts off.  _

 

_ the omega is gone when kibum wakes up a couple of hours later; the scratches on his arms and back the only evidence he was ever there. a strange kind of hollowness settles in kibum's chest as he sits up. _

 

~-~

 

"there's a new omega in the pack, did you hear?" minho asks, hooking his chin over kibum's shoulder. kibum lifts that shoulder in a shrug, dislodging minho's chin in his attempt at nonchalance. "i heard." 

 

"he's staying with taemin's family. his mother was tae's mother's friend or something, from school." 

 

"that's nice," kibum mutters, tone implying anything but. 

 

"my mum thinks maybe you'll mate with him," minho suggests, valiantly carrying on with this almost one-sided conversation. "she thinks maybe he'll be the one to get your interest. i wonder too, actually. i heard he isn't bad looking. it'll be nice if you find someone, really. you're past 21 already  _ and  _ the head alpha-to-be."

 

kibum rolls his eyes. "why don't  _ you  _ mate with him, since you're so damn interested," he snaps. 

 

"wow someone's cranky," minho retorts. "i was just updating you."

 

"i don't  _ need _ updates on him. he already came to our place to visit my dad today, with his mum and his sister." kibum looks away. there's rage simmering under his skin and he's not completely sure why it's there. minho touches kibum's shoulder gently and turns him to face him.

 

"what's up with you, key? you're on edge today." his best friend's eyes are soft and compassionate and kibum can't stand it. 

 

"i don't want to talk about it," he mutters, pressing the heel of his palm into his eyes, for once uncaring of whether his eyeliner would smudge. "i'm sorry i- could you just go away for a bit, ming."

 

minho sighs, but doesn't argue any further, slipping off quietly.  _ probably to bitch about me to taemin and jinki,  _ kibum thinks, but he can't find the will to care.

 

truth is, the new omega is familiar to kibum; he remembers his pink hair and his expressive eyes and his gentle mouth that had hissed out vulgar demands. he also remembers his moans and breathless gasps and the way he had screamed when he came. 

 

it's been almost three years since he had fucked that omega in the forest on the edge of their town, almost three years since he had woken up alone. in their culture where sex is easy and often without strings, it's funny that this particular omega has stuck in kibum's mind. it's funnier, perhaps, that he's now in the same pack.

 

funnier still that he doesn't seem to remember kibum.

 

_ why doesn't he remember me? _ kibum thinks, throwing his arm over his eyes.  _ and why the fuck does it bother me so much? _

 

~-~

 

"this is jonghyun," taemin announces, his voice flat and unenthusiastic. "he's new, his mum is friends with  _ my _ mum and apparently that means we're taking care of him."

 

jinki shakes his head and nudges taemin gently. "be nice, love."

 

"i'm  _ always _ nice," taemin retorts. 

 

"ignore the child," minho cuts in, slinging an arm around the shoulders of the pink-haired boy who's supposed to still be a stranger to kibum. "you know the rest of us, this is kibum. he's-"

 

"the head alpha's son," jonghyun finishes the sentence, gazing up at kibum from under his fringe. "yeah i saw him when we went to visit his father."

 

"hi," he says, sticking out a hand for kibum to shake. his smile is tentative, almost shy.

 

in the background, taemin is still squawking to minho that he is in fact very much  _ not _ a child and minho would have personal experience of that, but it all seems very far away to kibum as he slides his hand into jonghyun's; warm, rough. there's a sudden sensory memory of those hands running up his back and fingernails digging into his skin.

 

"hi," kibum whispers back. "nice to meet you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg an actual update!!!! the world might be ending lol. warning for pov switch, if anyone needs a warning.

"hyun-ah! wake up, time to go!"

 

the strident tones of his sister cut through the crooning r&b music playing in jonghyun's headphones. he closes his eyes and tries to ignore her, but she just gets louder and more insistent.

 

"hyun-ah, we're leaving, get up! why do you always-" her voice stops and when he opens his eyes to check, she's leaning against the side of his doorway, casting an unimpressed gaze in his direction.

 

"you realise pretending to be invisible doesn't actually render you invisible, right?"

 

"what do you want?" jonghyun mutters, not bothering to make his tone anything but surly.

 

"we're leaving; mum says her friend's pack on the next state have confirmed they'll take us in. and we'll stay with her until we find our own place. you'll remember her, she's the one we went to visit three years ago when you sneaked off to the forest instead."

 

jonghyun doesn't acknowledge his sister's raised eyebrow and the unspoken question. his family still doesn't know exactly what happened that day three years ago, doesn't know how he had begged to be fucked, how he had leaned into every touch and how much he had wanted to stay after, had wanted to stay forever. they don't know how beautiful that alpha had been -- despite the fog that heat often threw over his senses, he remembers sharp eyes and lean muscle and big hands that mapped the lines of his back.

 

instead he focuses on the point that's been too picked over and overanalysed in the past six months since their father had died.

 

"why do we even need to go? so they kick us out of the pack, why do we have to _move as well?_ "

 

sodam rolls her eyes; it's not the first time they've had this argument. "the pack owns this apartment, they own every damn thing in here. they've decided we don't belong without dad and no one quite wants us; what will they do with two unmated omegas and one useless beta?"

 

"this is stupid," jonghyun says vehemently. "we don't turn into animals anymore, no one has pack wars, no one _hunts_ us anymore. the only thing left of this inconvenient genetic trait is heat and getting pregnant and honestly that's something we can deal with without needing a pack or a leader or dumb rules." but he's getting up anyway, slinging his packed bag over his shoulder, picking up his keyboard. he knows the argument is useless, but he likes making his point.

 

sodam rolls her eyes, but leans down to instinctively grab jonghyun's guitar. "an omega without a pack is still vulnerable to alpha attacks. _you_ would know that; with your adventure three years ago," she informs him.

 

"that was. different." jonghyun stops talking and looks away, and he's glad sodam uncharacteristically doesn't press on.

 

that "adventure" three years ago had _felt_ different, at least from his own experiences with alphas. very often sex was just a transaction -- you for i, my need for yours. and while he's always enjoyed himself, this alpha's touch had been...gentle, a little more giving, like he cared about making jonghyun feel good; almost like they really were lovers, instead of two strangers brought together by base instincts. maybe that's why jonghyun remembers him, maybe that's why, in the dim light of sunset, just before he ran off to meet his family, he had pressed a kiss onto the sleeping boy's mouth, just to try to memorise his taste.

 

he had only told his family that his heat had arrived too early and he needed to get away from the unmated alpha in that house before it got complicated. but maybe his mother can read something else in his face, because she never pushes, not the way sodam did, and still does. he doesn't want to tell his sister; there's something precious about that encounter he wants to keep, something perhaps he doesn't quite understand himself.

 

sometimes jonghyun finds himself wishing he could clearly recall the alpha's face, if only for a chance of searching for him. if only for a chance of finding out if the way he lived was just as giving as the way he touched.

 

but maybe some things are safer if unremembered.

 

~-~

 

"choon hee-ah!" the lady rushing to them as the taxi pulls into the apartment complex is petite and pretty, and has a smile so wide jonghyun thinks it should probably crack her face.

 

the answering smile that dawns on his mother's face is beautiful though, and the first in a long while; enough reason for jonghyun to be able to rein in the snark that wants to emerge.

 

the lady -- lee hyun ae, he finds out as his mother pulls her into a hug -- chatters at a rate of a mile a minute, simultaneously helping to roll their luggage into a modest apartment, pointing out the guest room his mother would be staying in, and her son's currently unused room that sodam and jonghyun will be sharing.

 

"taemin just moved out with his partners; so it's empty now." she tilts her head and looks at jonghyun searchingly. "i'll ask him to take you around when he's freer maybe. he's just had his official bonding and…well, you know how it is."

 

jonghyun grins as one of mrs lee's eyes closes in a conspiratorial wink and sodam lets out an embarrassed snort of laughter. "not really," he says. "but i can imagine."

 

mrs lee laughs too, and when jonghyun's mother easily joins in, he starts thinking maybe it won't be too hard; this thing about joining another pack.

 

the shrill sound of the ringing telephone dissipates the merry hilarity though and mrs lee's eyes round in comprehension as she listens to the person on the line.

 

"you gotta see the head," she tells them, hanging up the phone, tone and face sombre, almost frightening in its stillness. but when they stare at her in mute apprehension, she lets out a mischievous laugh. "it's not a big deal, in su is cool, he's just nosey. come, i'll bring you."

 

~-~

 

kim in su could be kinda scary, jonghyun decides. he's a big man, sturdy and compact in a way that is too obviously muscle and can't be mistaken for flab added with his taller than average height, he was intimidating enough to scare most people. but his face is the beaming type; wreathed in smiles, and it almost makes sense why mrs lee saunters into his three-storey house with little to no formality.

 

"these are the newbies, boss."

 

the head alpha snorts a bit at the term but gives no other reaction. he turns to jonghyun's family, standing too stiffly in the middle of his office and smiles gently. "don't worry too much; i don't interfere too much about what my people do. just, if you hurt anyone, i hurt you."

 

the words and tone are gentle but his gaze is anything but.

 

"so." he clears his throat. "kim choon hee, _neè_ park, 51, recently widowed, omega. you're a trained accountant, correct? will you need help searching for a job?"

 

jonghyun's mother shakes her head. "i've three interviews lined up over the next week. i should be fine."

 

the head moves on. "kim sodam, 26, unmated beta. elementary teacher. do _you_ need assistance with employment?"

 

"nope, i start at the elementary school here next month."

 

jonghyun listens to the proceedings with slight shock and turns to his family in amazement. _"when_ did you start looking for jobs?"

 

sodam glances at him from the corner of her eyes, and jonghyun knows her well enough to see that she's just restraining herself from swearing at him. " this has been in the works for three months! it's only you who hasn't been preparing," she hisses.

 

jonghyun lets his lips form into a pout; he doesn't like change.

 

mr kim's voice has slight laughter on the edges when he continues speaking. "kim jonghyun, 24, unmated omega. you're a composer? i suppose _you_ at least will need help searching for a job."

 

jonghyun sighs. "not really, i have regular clients who contact me via email and phone; my job isn't restricted to location," he explains.

 

the head alpha's brief pause and raised eyebrow don't surprise jonghyun. at this point, he's aware of the scepticism people hold for his job and he's just glad mr kim chooses not to comment further.

 

"well, good, looks like there isn't much to do. i'll get an apartment for the three of you, you'll pay rent and for facilities, and i'll also organise a party to welcome you to- ah kibum just in time."

 

jonghyun turns to see a slim figure framed in the doorway. "sorry dad," a low voice drawls. "i didn't know you had guests, just wanted to let you know i'm going to taemin's."

 

"no no this is good!" the head alpha strides to the door and tugs the figure in. "you can meet the new family."

 

"this is my son. kim kibum, 23, head alpha to be, unmated-"

 

"what the fuck, dad. no one needs my stats." kibum's casual and almost rude retort would have gotten jonghyun a strict scolding by his own father but mr kim only throws back his head and laughs.

 

"hi," kibum says, turning to fully face jonghyun and his family and waving. "i'm sorry my father is weird. i'm kibum, nice to meet you guys."

 

kibum is...gorgeous, jonghyun decides, piercing eyes and a full mouth and broad shoulders and _tall,_ but not scary tall, just slightly taller than jonghyun. his hair is dyed green and curled and falling slightly into his eyes and jonghyun kinda sorta really wants to play with it. he doesn't have the compact bulk of his father; instead he's trim and toned and _oh_ there's attraction fizzing on the surface of jonghyun's skin already.

 

sodam's sharp elbow into his ribs throws him back into reality. "say hello, you dolt!"

 

"hi," jonghyun says softly and when kibum looks intently at him, he thinks he sees hastily covered up shock in that gaze, but it's too quick to wonder about.

 

"did you ever have blond hair?" it's a strange, impulsive question and he doesn't know why he's asking. but, he thinks kibum should have blond hair; blond hair and those eyes, they fit together, they make sense to him.

 

"yes, actually," kibum replies after a beat, tilting his head. "a few years back. why do you ask?"

 

"i- i just think blond hair would suit you," jonghyun swallows and looks down again. there's something about his eyes and his mouth…

 

sodam lets out a breathy laugh. "sorry about my brother; he gets nervous sometimes and his brain gets disconnected from his mouth."

 

 _but i'm not nervous,_ jonghyun thinks. _i think i just...feel like i know him from somewhere._

 

kibum shrugs. "it's cool, i'll be going off now. bye dad, bye aunty! i'll tell tae he should visit!" he waves at his father and then mrs lee and darts off.

 

when the little family looks back at mr kim, there's contemplation in his expression. "so you like my son, jonghyun?"

 

jonghyun sputters in shock. "i- no! i don't i-"

 

mr kim lets out a braying laugh. "just teasing, boy. i know he's attractive, people can look but no one gets to touch unless he wants it."

 

reforming his face into a serious mein, he continues. "that's pretty much it. we, well more likely just my wife, will organise a little party to introduce you to the pack. you can go."

 

~-~

 

"so," mrs lee broaches, as they walk down the driveway of the kim house. "you think kibum's cute huh?"

 

jonghyun releases a small whimper and covers his face with his hands. around him his family laughs and laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am actually finding it hard to write. so idk i keep feeling like it's not quite up to my usual standard but!!!! i'm enjoying the process, slow as it is. so i hope some ppl enjoy it too~~


	3. Chapter 3

in less than two weeks, the small family of three has settled into a little apartment block near to mrs lee's. as the days go by, jonghyun often finds himself alone in the house, spending hours lost in music in his room. his mother and sister are rarely home, busy with work and interviews.

 

"why don't you go out?" sodam asks him one night, lying across his bed, her head in his lap. "it's a new place, go explore or something. if i'm free i can go with you."

 

"i don't mind staying in," jonghyun says softly, his fingers brush through her hair gently.

 

sodam sighs. "you're always like this." then she goes quiet and jonghyun is grateful. he likes his solitude, she knows that. and he knows she often worries he might like it a bit too much.

 

but despite all the teasing and scolding, she understands him well enough not to force him to fit himself into shapes he does not want to be in, just lets him slowly adapt.

 

he's lucky, jonghyun thinks. maybe too lucky.

 

he continues to rhythmically stroke her hair and slowly she drops off into sleep.

 

~-~

 

"aunty hyun ae is coming over tomorrow," his mother informs him the next night.

 

jonghyun looks up from his book. he knows his mother spends a lot of time with mrs lee but she's never before felt the need to involve him. "why?"

 

his mother smiles indulgently. "my little loner child, you never go out. i've asked her to introduce her son so you'll have someone to bring you around."

 

"i don't need that. mum!" it feels like he's six again, protesting as his father encourages him to join soccer.

 

his mother reaches out, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "it's a new place. i worry about you always being alone. just try?" her gaze is hopeful and beseeching and jonghyun knows he can't say no.

 

so he just sighs and nods begrudgingly. he's always known he's a mummy's boy.

 

~-~

 

when the doorbell rings at 11am the next day, jonghyun thinks he ought to be praised that he opens the door with only a smidgen of hesitation. mrs lee beams up at him, fingers tight around the wrist of a gangly dark-haired boy looking at jonghyun with a bemused smile.

 

"this is taemin," mrs lee says, exactly the image of a proud mother lion.

 

"hi, i'm taemin. my mum's kind of a dragon, isn't she?"

 

jonghyun watches in fascination as mrs lee reaches up to attempt to whack taemin on the shoulder. "watch your mouth, child!"

 

"but such a _beautiful_ dragon," taemin says, laughing and trying to dodge his mother.

 

mrs lee stills at his words then chortles and this time when she stretches up it's to ruffle taemin's hair. "my son, always knows how to save himself."

 

jonghyun lets out an awkward laugh, shifting from side to side, and mother and son both turn their gazes on him.

 

"your mum is worried," mrs lee says soothingly. "so i thought i'd ask taemin to bring you around a bit. just try?"

 

jonghyun laughs lightly. "she always worries too much. but yeah. sure. i guess."

 

he turns to taemin. "hi i'm jonghyun. lead the way?"

 

taemin's smile is polite. "come on then."

 

"have fun!" mrs lee calls after them, waving.

 

"your mum's cute," jonghyun comments, after about five minutes of silent walking.

 

"she's a bit of a busybody," taemin replies, he glances sideways at jonghyun. "so you're a hermit huh?"

 

jonghyun sighs. "no, i'm really not. i just find it hard to meet people and with my job, most people i meet don't stay near me. so my friendships are mostly long distance."

 

"school friends?"

 

"people get married, have children. stuff happens." jonghyun shrugs. "you know how it is."

 

taemin nods. "plus the inconvenience of heat, huh?"

 

jonghyun's smile is wry. "a little bit, yeah."

 

he's glad taemin doesn't ask about his previous pack; although it's more likely he probably already knows. about the ostracisation and dislike, about how their family had reduced into themselves after his father's death, just three people against the world.

 

silence winds its way around them again until taemin breaks it, sigh flying in the wind.

 

"okay so truthfully I have no idea where to bring you so i'm just taking you to my place and you can meet my partners. and maybe they'll have some ideas," he admits. "minho probably got kibum to come down too. maybe. huh. he'll probably have more ideas. and you'll meet him too i guess."

 

"oh." jonghyun says softly. "okay."

 

"don't be nervous, they're not scary," taemin says, misinterpreting the tone of jonghyun's voice. "i'm probably the scariest and hey you aren't scared of me. so."

 

jonghyun just smiles, not sure if he wants to share that inexplicable feeling of familiarity from the head alpha's son, the immediate shudder of attraction.

 

~-~

 

"i've brought our babysitting charge!" taemin yells as he opens the door.

 

jonghyun flicks a sharp glance at him and taemin shrugs. "aren't you?"

 

"and you are _still_ an asshole."

 

the voice comes from a tall man standing in the middle of the hallway, arms folded across his chest, wide smile on his mouth belying the harshness of his words.

 

taemin barks out a laugh. "and _you_ still love me."

 

the man rolls his eyes but doesn't contradict that. "jinki," he calls. "the delinquent is back."

 

"hey hey i'm the alpha of this household, don't you forget that."

 

"how could i? you remind us every 17 seconds or something."

 

taemin rushes towards the man, his fists out and the other man catches him, laughing. taemin is laughing too. and it seems like they've completely forgotten jonghyun was there.

 

when someone taps him on the shoulder, jonghyun jumps. he spins around to see a man with a smile-wreathed face, eyes crinkled up. "hi, i'm jinki, the sane one of this household." the man sticks out his hand. "you must be jonghyun."

 

"hi," jonghyun says, flashing him a tentative smile. "i'm really not sure what i'm doing here."

 

"take it as a favour to taemin's mum." jinki pats him gently on the shoulder. he looks back at taemin and the tall guy still wrestling and shakes his head fondly. "you've met taemin, the other child is minho."

 

"are you all three-" jonghyun doesn't know how to ask the question.

 

"yup! is that rare for you?" jinki's words come easy, unafraid of judgement.

 

"kinda." jonghyun shrugs. "doesn't bother me though."

 

they watch the other two mutely for some minutes, before jinki lets out an impatient huff of breath.

 

"hey. we have a guest." his voice is calm and just barely louder than usual but the two pause instantly and glance over.

 

"oh i forgot about you," taemin exclaims when he catches sight of jonghyun, too straightforward to really take much offense to. "that's jinki, but it seems you've already met him. this is minho, sorry he's really loud."

 

minho gasps in mock horror, hand dramatically pressed to his chest. then turns to jonghyun with a toothy smile. "hi," he says, sticking out his hand.

 

"hi," jonghyun says. "sorry to impose."

 

"you're not," minho says easily, and jinki slaps a hand over taemin's mouth that muffles out any potential rebuttals.

 

"i've asked kibum to come over too. he's the head alpha's son. and my best friend. he honestly goes out more than we do; we like staying at home after work; so he'll know a bit more."

 

"in the meantime, what do you like? there's not much here that's different from most towns; malls, theatres, food places. you can even go visit the art museum kibum works at but no one does that. kibum goes clubbing sometimes but we've kinda grown out of that so you can go with him if you want…"

 

the doorbell chimes mid-way through minho's spiel and jonghyun looks over to see taemin open the door and the slender figure of the head alpha's son step into the room.

 

"you do know you can just walk in right?"

 

"i'm not rude like you, tae."

 

taemin laughs. then indicates jonghyun with a wave of his hand. he's probably introducing him but jonghyun isn't focusing, instead he's watching kibum's face as he laughs and talks. it's very animated, he thinks, very mobile.

 

and then an arm is slung round his shoulder and minho's voice is in his ear and he's guiding him nearer to kibum.

 

"this is kibum, he's-"

 

"the head alpha's son. yeah i saw him the other day." maybe he shouldn't have interrupted. maybe he shouldn't have been so hasty to make it clear he remembers kibum. maybe. jonghyun doesn't really know what to think.

 

he holds out his hand. "hi." he valiantly hopes that the tremor in both his voice and hand isn't obvious.

 

when kibum's hand slides into his, there's heat that runs up his spine. "hi. nice to meet you." there's a spark of something in kibum's eyes as he says the words and jonghyun finds himself hoping it's interest.

 

he thinks he drifts off again while looking at kibum, because time seems to still. but kibum is looking right back, stare open and frank, so maybe it's not entirely unwanted. maybe it's some kind of mutual spark.

 

so when minho claps his hands together loudly and asks what the plans are, it feels like too much time has elapsed. jonghyun is overly relieved to see that kibum looks just as scattered, and that the others, with the exception of minho who's glancing at them with suspicion, do not seem to have noticed anything.

 

~-~

 

they end up in a nearby cafe, just talking. and maybe his mother and sister wouldn't consider this is the most social thing to do, but it's fun. at least he's out of the house. and getting to know people, getting to know kibum.

 

he learns that kibum studied art history and works as an assistant curator at the art museum.

 

"no one goes to that museum though," minho quips.

 

"you are the least supportive best friend in the world," kibum says. "and people do go. just not neanderthals like you."

 

"wow look at you using all the big words."

 

"i would like to go," jonghyun volunteers softly.

 

kibum looks directly at him, his eyes surprised. "really?"

 

there's something intimidating about being scrutinized under kibum's gaze, so focused, so clear. jonghyun almost can't get words out. "yeah i like art. i mean, i like music so i just like art in general?"

 

"don't lie just because you think kibum is pretty," minho interjects, eyes dancing with mischief.

 

"i'm not! i don't! i mean i do but that's not the reason i!" jonghyun folds his head into his arms and wonders why his emotions are somehow so easily read on his face. especially about kibum.

 

kibum laughs softly. "it's okay. i think you're pretty too," he admits. when jonghyun looks up, the smile on kibum's face is incredibly tender.

 

"you let me know when you want to visit? i can give you a tour."

 

"okay," jonghyun breathes out, heart pumping too hard in his chest. he knows at this point he's probably blatantly staring at kibum but he doesn't care. "okay."

 

taemin snorts, jinki elbows him in the ribs and minho just watches, contemplative look on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apparently the trend is to update this once a month. does anyone actually remember this trainwreck of a fic? end of chapter three and NOW we are at the same point that we ended chapter 1 on. why do i write like this hahahhaha. if you actually read this thank you ilu i'm sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

_from: kibum_

hey, is your mum in?

 

_from: kibum_

i kinda need to drop by. errand for my dad.

 

_from: kibum_

you can show me your music too ^^

 

jonghyun swallows when he skims the messages. they had been texting a bit, here and there, after that day, and he had mentioned off-handedly about inviting kibum and the rest over to hear his music but hadn't expected to be taken seriously.

 

_to: kibum_

yeah, she's in and. sure. if you really want to?

 

_from: kibum_

if i didn't want to i wouldn't have asked. are you nervous or something? lol.

 

_to: kibum_

tbh? a little bit.

 

_from: kibum_

you're really cute.

 

jonghyun swallows again, his throat suddenly dry. he wants this alpha, has wanted him since that first glimpse of him in his father's house. he's never really wanted anyone like that, doesn't know what to do with the pulse of desire low in his stomach every time kibum laughs. maybe kibum just had that effect on people. maybe all he needs to do is ride it out.

 

_to: kibum_

heh. thanks? i think? i'll tell my mum you're coming over.

 

_from: kibum_

see you in five

 

~-~

 

"hey."

 

kibum is wearing eyeliner, jonghyun realises, his stomach lurching up to his throat. the dark kohl makes his gaze a lot more intense.

 

"hey," jonghyun whispers back. he wants to look away from kibum's eyes but can't seem to. maybe kibum is a magnet, he thinks. maybe all jonghyun can do is spin in his forcefield.

 

"ah, kibum. what can we do for you?" thankfully his mother breaks the dense silence between the two boys.

 

kibum bows politely, then starts talking about the party his father wants to throw for jonghyun's family.

 

"is next saturday alright? it'll be at our house." he glances over at jonghyun and grins at the tiny frown on his face. the next words are addressed to jonghyun directly. "don't worry, you won't have to do much. just get introduced and then you can disappear into the shadows all you want. humour my father; he likes his rituals."

 

jonghyun's mother laughs. "that's fine," she says, reaching out to pat kibum's shoulder. "thank you for coming over to tell us."

 

"no problem." kibum bows politely again as she turns away. and his gaze moves straight to jonghyun. "so can i hear your music?"

 

jonghyun lets out a tiny groan. "i didn't think you remembered."

 

"i asked you only five minutes ago! of course i remember. are you _shy?_ " the teasing tone makes jonghyun flush. and naturally, kibum notices.

 

"you _are_ shy! come on, jjong, you sell your music. i'm just a nobody who's curious. what worth is my judgement?"

 

 _a lot,_ jonghyun might have said, but his mind is caught up with only one thing. "jjong?"

 

"oh." it's kibum's turn to blush. "you don't like it?"

 

"i like it _a lot."_ and he's gratified when kibum blushes more.

 

~-~

 

there's something close to awe on kibum's face as he enters the room that is jonghyun's designated studio. "you did this yourself?"

 

he runs his hands over the sound desk, the guitar and keyboard, the mic set up, the speakers and recording devices; gently, reverently.

 

jonghyun lifts a hand to scratch at the side of his head, suddenly bashful. "yeah i built it up since i was 16? so about eight years. my parents helped at first then i did part time jobs to pay for some stuff. i always only ever wanted to do this."

 

"you're really cool, mr kim jonghyun." kibum's tone is light but his expression is serious and sincere. and there's admiration there that jonghyun doesn't know what to do with. he lifts his hands to cover his face.

 

"this is embarrassing." it's a childish whine but he can't help himself.

 

kibum laughs. "fine. i won't say anything more. play me something."

 

jonghyun shuffles to his computer and slowly scrolls through his library of demos. about halfway into looking, jonghyun realises he's taking too long; he doesn't know which one to play, hesitant to reveal himself like this in front of someone he finds so attractive. kibum comes up behind him and leans in. "what if i choose a random number? will that make it easier?" jonghyun freezes. kibum's voice is too near jonghyun's ear; his mouth close enough that jonghyun can feel warm puffs of breath on his neck. if he just turns his head he could-

 

the minutes trickle past without an answer; jonghyun lost in a 'what if'. "hey," kibum finally says, gently. "if you don't want to, you don't have to. you look so stressed. i don't want to stress you."

 

jonghyun looks over, takes in the contrite expression on kibum's face and laughs softly. at himself, at kibum. "no i'm okay. i'll let you hear a new one. this one i'm probably not selling."

 

at the first chords of the guitar, kibum smiles and as jonghyun's recorded voice starts, his eyes widen. it's quiet save for the music and his voice and jonghyun can feel kibum's gaze heavy on him, a weight he wants to hide away from. it's a song about sunshine and flower petals and the beautiful breathlessness that comes with first love. it's a silly piece, written with hope between his teeth. nothing too perfected, but he thinks the rawness might appeal to kibum.

 

when the final notes trail away, kibum doesn't say a word; just looks at jonghyun, contemplative. jonghyun clears his throat awkwardly as the silence drags. "uh so, what do you think?"

 

"you're pretty amazing, kim jonghyun." kibum's voice is openly appreciative and jonghyun can feel heat travel up his neck in a blush.

 

"please don't."

 

"you are." and kibum reaches out a hand then seems to reconsider, swinging it back behind him. "you really are."

 

jonghyun's eyes trace the path of kibum's hand, a flicker of yearning to be touched lights in his chest. he smiles at kibum. "thank you. really. i just- can we change the subject now?"

 

"so cute," kibum whispers, but obligingly starts asking him about the various equipment and how they're used and jonghyun breathes out a sigh.

 

when kibum leaves about half an hour later, jonghyun's sister pokes her head out of her room just to raise an inquiring eyebrow at him.

 

jonghyun dodges her stare and unspoken question, ducking back into his own room.

 

he's friends with kibum. that's all. it's nice. _friends._

 

~-~

 

"how's it going?" jonghyun looks up as kibum settles on the couch next to where he is nursing a glass of soda. he can feel his sister's eyes on him from where she is with a couple of other beta girls, but he grins at kibum far too brightly anyway. he'll definitely have to explain later but right now he'll enjoy being with someone who makes his heart beat a little too quick.

 

"not as scary as i expected," jonghyun says. it isn't that he's socially-averse exactly, just that he doesn't quite like large crowds of strangers. and the party, essentially, is a particularly large crowd of strangers, albeit rather kind ones.

 

"the pack is generally nice," kibum says. "could be because my dad is a lenient head. could also be because we generally like each other. but hey i don't complain. could be worse."

 

jonghyun thinks about the politics and ugly ambition in his previous pack and nods solemnly. kibum arches an understanding gaze towards him and smiles. "wanna hear the gossip?" he slides closer to jonghyun, their shoulders just brushing and starts pointing out pack members and their quirks.

 

jonghyun listens as he talks about mrs cho who collects bird nests, mr park who likes to sit on rooftops watching the sky, madam jang who for an entire month only ate winter melon. kibum imitates the particular accents and mannerisms certain members have and jonghyun is enthralled. he thinks maybe he could listen to kibum talk forever.

 

without quite thinking about it, he shifts closer until their shoulders press close and their thighs are flush, from knee to hip. he feels kibum stiffen against him at the touch, and hears his words stutter and falter. and jonghyun almost wants to believe that the spark of attraction is felt by them both.

 

kibum clears his throat and shifts his legs imperceptibly, just enough that the touch is reduced to just a slight brush of skin. then as if nothing has happened, he changes the subject, flipping out his phone and muttering, "i wonder where those three disappeared to…" jonghyun swallows down the ridiculous sense of loss and replies, "yeah, i was wondering, they haven't gotten here yet?"

 

kibum laughs; a soft, fond chuckle. "they're all at work. same shift, same hospital. all in various forms of therapy. those three are the epitome of codependency at its best."

 

"wow. we arrive just in time to overhear you maligning us."

 

kibum looks up sharply at the new voice, easy laugh bubbling from his lips. "hardly, tae. it was just reality."

 

"our codependency is very healthy, i'd have you know," minho announces, slinging an arm around taemin's waist and across jinki's shoulders.

 

"that is a contradictory statement if i've ever heard one," kibum replies.

 

there's something affectionate in the way taemin rolls his eyes. "anyway, before you continue messing with the new boy's opinion of us, mr jung was asking for you just now."

 

groaning, kibum stands up. "he's going to pitch some stupid business idea again. i don't know why he thinks talking to me works. it's not like i have a direct line to my father's investment decisions." still grumbling, he strides off. jonghyun's gaze trails after him, watching until his broad figure disappears into the crowd.

 

when jonghyun comes back to himself, the other three are looking at him; identical knowing smiles on their lips. jonghyun feels a slight stab of panic. and when taemin's smile widens and he shrewdly asks "so. you like our kibum, huh?", the panic seems like prophecy.

 

jonghyun groans. "is it that obvious?"

 

"kinda," minho says.

 

"kinda _really_ obvious," jinki adds.

 

"so we're going to help you!"

 

jonghyun's head whips towards taemin at the bright words. "no offence, but why?"

 

taemin shrugs. "why not? if he accepts you, our notoriously single friend finds someone. if he doesn't, well at least you tried. plus i think you suit him."

 

"i'm not sure how to reply to that."

 

taemin grins. "you could say thank you and pledge to be our loyal servant for the next month or something."

 

jonghyun's mouth falls open. he's never quite sure whether taemin is joking or not.

 

"leave you alone with jjong for ten minutes and you're already bullying him i see."

 

a quirk of jinki's lips, hastily covered, is the only indicator that anyone had caught the use of jonghyun's new nickname.

 

kibum winds his way in between minho and jinki to reclaim his seat beside jonghyun, and if jonghyun shifts a little so their knees brush, no one says anything. "what were you talking about?"

 

"nothing," taemin trills, at exactly the same time that minho says "just about how we meet every sunday at that cafe and jonghyun should come too".

 

kibum raises his eyebrows at the clashing sentences but thankfully chooses to ignore it. instead, he turns to jonghyun. "yeah, you should come. maybe you'll be more fun and get the specials. these three always order exactly the same thing every week."

 

jonghyun blinks and before he can answer, jinki interjects, sly smile on his face. "you can bring him to the museum in the morning too, ki. remember you were supposed to go?"

 

an entire day with kibum. somehow between the three of them, they've planned that out for jonghyun. maybe something must be said about the synchronicity of mates.

 

kibum pauses at jinki's words. "i guess? if jonghyun wants to?" his eyes dart at jonghyun, a trace of nervousness in his voice.

 

"of course i want to!" too enthusiastic. too earnest. but kibum's answering smile is indulgent and sweetly delighted.

 

"i'll pick you up at 11 then?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy jongkey day!!! hahhha.


	5. Chapter 5

as he expected, sodam follows jonghyun to his room once they get home, a gleam of curiosity in the eyes that glance over him.

 

"okay you're being creepy. what do you want?" jonghyun says finally, when instead of talking, she calmly settles on the edge of his bed and silently watches him, a tiny frown on her face.

 

"you really do like that head alpha's son." it isn't a question.

 

jonghyun sighs. he flops on the bed next to sodam and pulls his pillow over his face. "is that all anyone wants to talk to me about these days?"

 

"who else talks to you about that? and...well you're really kind of obvious."

 

jonghyun lets one eye peek out from under the edge of the pillow. his sister is looking at him, concern and worry in the lines of her face. "what do you think?"

 

"about? him? he seems nice enough." she catches sight of the small smile that lights on jonghyun's mouth and shakes her head.

 

"i really don't know what you can expect though. you're aiming high; from a pack where no one cared about you except during heat, to trying to be friends, and more, with the son of the head alpha." there's a pause. "i don't want you to get hurt."

 

"we're going out tomorrow," he confides in a rush, words falling over one another.

 

sodam's face stretches into an exaggerated expression of surprise. "going out? like...a date?"

 

the laugh that escapes jonghyun sounds more like a bark, a mocking bark. "i think it's probably more like 'let's humour the new boy'," he says wryly.

 

"i really want it to be though," he adds quietly.

 

sodam nods, understanding smile on her lips. "i'd advise you not to move too quick. alphas are...complicated."

 

 _kibum is different_ , jonghyun thinks. no, he _knows_ somehow. he doesn't tell sodam that though, just smiles; she's had her fair share of alphas who danced with her feelings then left without a word.

 

"maybe he's different," sodam continues, taking the words from jonghyun's mind. "the people here seem much different. but still, don't fall in love too fast."

 

"okay," jonghyun says obligingly. "okay."

 

sodam sighs, lifting a hand to ruffle his hair. "you're already in love, aren't you?"

 

jonghyun just shrugs, small smile still playing on the edges of his mouth.

 

sodam's answering laugh is affectionate. she stands up and leans over to kiss the top of his head. "my romantic loner little brother, what should i do with you?"

 

"love me," jonghyun replies, promptly, and is gratified at his sister's loud laugh in response.

 

"you know i always do," she says, and is gone before he responds.

 

"i know," he says, to the closing door. "i know."

 

~-~

 

by 10:45 the next morning, jonghyun is ready and waiting by the door. no way he's letting sodam see kibum before he does, worse if it's his mother. sodam catches sight of him pacing in front of the door and snorts. "did your hair and put on eyeliner, i see."

 

jonghyun ignores her. it's 10:55am and suddenly he's sure he's going to bore kibum, sure that conversation will be dragging and difficult. despite the fact that they've been texting a little, despite the fact that kibum has never seemed uninterested in talking to him. rationality was never quite his strong suit when it came to boys he likes.

 

a firm knock at their door breaks jonghyun out of his reverie, and he flies to open it before sodam can.

 

"hi," he says to kibum, involuntary smile spilling across his face. he turns back to yell "bye mum, bye sis!" then closes the door very emphatically behind him. "let's go!"

 

kibum gestures to the closed door, bemused expression on his face. "i wanted to greet your mum and sister," he comments.

 

"no. just. your courtesy is appreciated and stuff and you can totally blame it on me. but if you go in there'll be awkward questions and i _really_ don't want to have to answer them."

 

"awkward questions?" kibum raises a single eyebrow. "what kind of awkward questions?"

 

jonghyun can feel his cheeks turning hot. "nothing special. just awkward. and embarrassing. and all that."

 

"should i be concerned?" one side of kibum's mouth has curled up into a smirk and jonghyun's stomach does a flip at the sight.

 

"no! it's not! no they're just nosey okay. it's dumb."

 

kibum's laugh is low and amused and jonghyun relaxes when he doesn't pry further, instead starting to walk to the parking lot.

 

~-~

 

"you have a motorbike?!"

 

"didn't you see it when i went to tae's? father hates it. but i love it." there's something wicked in kibum's voice.

 

"isn't it dangerous?" jonghyun's heart is beating too hard in his chest, but he doesn't know if it's apprehension or just kibum.

 

"only as dangerous as you make it." taunting maybe; almost like a challenge.

 

jonghyun stays silent. the bike isn't too imposing; just a standard one; black, two wheels. but he's not thinking of the bike itself exactly. he's thinking of being pressed against kibum's back, of his arms around kibum's waist, of the closeness, the nearness...that seems to scare him more than the speed and twists and turns of the road. makes him feel like his ribcage is closing in too tight around his lungs.

 

kibum's voice breaks into his thoughts, tone kind now. "you really don't have to if you don't want to. i know it's kinda scary. we can take the bus."

 

 _truth is i have a huge crush on you and that's scaring me way more than the bike,_ jonghyun thinks of saying. instead he smiles, tentative. "i'm terrified, but i wanna try."

 

"i'll keep you safe," kibum promises.

 

jonghyun laughs. "you better. because if you don't my sister will tear off your head."

 

kibum blinks then laughs too. "that's horrifying. and i almost hope you're joking, but i have no doubt she will."

 

he pulls out a silver helmet, passing it to jonghyun, who takes it tentatively, holds it far too loosely in his hand.

 

"uhm?"

 

kibum laughs. "right." he leans in closer and properly adjusts the helmet, his eyes are focused and attentive and jonghyun wants to dance forward and kiss him. when he walks away, jonghyun nearly lets out a soft whine.

 

"let's go then?" kibum revs the engine and swings a leg over the seat and jonghyun gets that funny plummeting feeling in his stomach again.

 

"okay," he says, sucking in a breath.

 

kibum smiles. "it'll be fine."

 

"okay," jonghyun says again, and he slides in behind kibum, arms tight around kibum's waist.

 

"move with me," kibum whispers and they set off.

 

it's exhilarating. the movement of the bike beneath them, swerving between vehicles, the wind against his legs, battering against the sides of his body. and pressed so tight against kibum's back he thinks maybe the pounding of his heartbeat could be felt.

 

"you screamed a bit," kibum teases once they reach the museum.

 

"sorry," jonghyun whispers.

 

"no need to be. everyone does the first time." kibum smiles and spins around. "come on, the entrance is this way."

 

for a quick instant jonghyun wishes kibum had reached out a hand. but he reminds himself that wishes are for fairies and babies, and jogs to catch up.

 

~-~

 

"we have a range of modern and older art," kibum explains as they walk to the entrance. "i prefer the modern art, because that's just me. but i'll show you both." when he hands over the money for both their tickets at the counter, jonghyun squeaks, fumbling for his wallet. but kibum waves him off.

 

"there's a staff discount," he explains.

 

"brought a date, kibum?" asks the girl at the counter. kibum just smiles, shrugs and walks further into the museum. "come on, jjong!"

 

jonghyun darts forward after him. "hi," he says shyly to the girl as he walks past. "i'm jonghyun."

 

"amber," the girl replies. she scrutinises him a beat too long then smiles. "have fun! key knows his stuff."

 

~-~

 

kibum does know his stuff; he leads jonghyun around the various exhibits, tossing out explanations on their histories, meanings and interpretations, and techniques used. once he stops to ask jonghyun if he has any opinions, then laughs as jonghyun merely blinks blankly at him.

 

"i mostly just like looking because they're pretty," jonghyun admits finally, rueful smile on his lips.

 

"that's a start," kibum says, sending him another smile. kibum is really pretty too, jonghyun thinks.

 

truthfully, jonghyun spends a lot of the time looking at kibum; watching the quick movements of his hands and the quirk of his mouth, the way his eyes linger over some pieces and roll away unimpressed from others. kibum prefers the abstract works, those without meaning that is too obvious; he is less appreciative of the portraits and landscapes.

 

jonghyun thinks kibum is just as beautiful as the art he takes care of, wonders if maybe art appreciation translates in real life, if he likes to be around people he has think too hard about to understand their meaning.

 

"you're drifting," kibum says, waving a hand in front of jonghyun's face. jonghyun wants to catch it, wants to interlace their fingers.

 

"you're really pretty too," he says instead, the words jumping straight from mind to mouth.

 

kibum pauses, momentarily stunned, and when he finally speaks it's with a confused lilt. "uh. thank you. i don't think i'm what you're supposed to be looking at though."

 

"sorry," jonghyun whispers, his hand lifting to scratch the back of his head. he's cursing himself for the awkwardness that has curled itself between them.

 

"you say sorry a lot," kibum remarks. "never say sorry for saying nice things." jonghyun's heart leaps when he sees that he's smiling softly.

 

"maybe you're too overwhelmed with the info now," kibum continues, tilting his head, gaze jumping over jonghyun. "let's go meet the others.. i'll show you the rest another time."

 

 _another time._ jonghyun nods eagerly, liking the implication of more one on one time with kibum. his cheeks are stretched tight with the strength of his smile. "okay. next time!"

 

"fuck, you're really cute," kibum mutters, turning away, and it's so faint jonghyun thinks maybe he wasn't supposed to hear it. he lets himself smile just a little more.

 

~-~

 

kibum's phone goes off with a message when they are just shy of the cafe door, and he comes to an abrupt stop. jonghyun is hovering slightly behind him, still trying to shake off the remnants of the ride and being in such close proximity to kibum, so he nearly slams straight into his still figure.

 

"you okay?" jonghyun places a tentative hand on kibum's shoulder, just a tiniest brush.

 

kibum shifts just enough that jonghyun's hand falls away and looks up from his phone. "minho's heat came early apparently. and so tae and jinki are busy. you know how it is…" he shrugs and rolls his eyes.

 

"sometimes i hate that my closest friends are mated to one another."

 

jonghyun bites out a smile, putting on cheer to blur the darkness welling up in his chest from kibum's deft avoidance of his touch. "well, you have me now!"

 

a chuckle. "do you still wanna go to the cafe then? i like the cakes here, but i can send you back first if you want."

 

"of course i do!" jonghyun replies, and is gratified by the brightness of the smile the spreads across kibum's face. and maybe kibum doesn't want to touch him, gets a look on his face that's almost frightened when jonghyun tries, but there's something inside of him that lights up when jonghyun is near and it's something to hold on to.

 

~-~

 

they find a corner booth and order a few cakes to share; the person at the counter seems to recognise kibum, enthusiastically giving him recommendations, asking about his friends. and when kibum wordlessly pays for desserts and drinks for them both, they raise their eyebrows, gaze sweeping up jonghyun's frame and jonghyun's heart clambers inelegantly to his throat.

 

 _what does this mean? does it mean anything at all?_ he's afraid to ask, but the air between them feels thickened with intention.

 

"so how did you get into music?" kibum's voice breaks the sudden surge of emotion in jonghyun's chest, tone light and easy, and jonghyun smiles up and decides to let the unspoken question go.


	6. Chapter 6

life settles down into a sort of regularity; composing, writing, and travelling to meet clients like he always did, but interspersed are what turns into weekly cafe stops with the other four.

 

("so, did you have fun with kibum?"

 

"...did you guys _plan_ on that happening?"

 

"not really."

 

"but it was super convenient, don't you think?")

 

jonghyun enjoys them for the most part, getting to know these boys, making friends. he likes how easy it is, how they quietly welcome him in, like it doesn't matter that they've been friends for nearly their whole lives and jonghyun has only been there for five months. it's so easy it sometimes frightens him.

 

("people here are...different."

 

"you noticed too huh?"

 

"yeah. why do you think?

 

"less crazy head alpha? i don't know. but probably that."

 

"yeah dad's brother was goddamned mad about hierarchy and status. here, kibum's dad doesn't seem to give a fuck."

 

"speaking of that... how's it going with kibum?"

 

"nothing. nothing is going. don't look at me like that. i don't wanna talk about it.")

 

kibum confuses jonghyun. maybe he enjoys having another unmated person to hang out with, because he'd text jonghyun to meet, away from the other three. they go to the museum again, they go for dinner at restaurants that kibum recommends, they go to the mall, to the theme park.

 

kibum shows him the only karaoke place in the town and they take turns singing for each other. jonghyun picks a romantic duet once, just for fun, and kibum groans but acquiesces. when jonghyun looks over mid-song, there's something bright caught under kibum's eyelashes; a glow of an unclear emotion they both don't ever bring up.

 

they only go clubbing once; jonghyun doesn't like the noise and the smoke and the girls and boys grinding against him. so they leave early and spend the rest of the night in a nearby fast food restaurant mixing fries with ice cream and whipped cream and increasingly ridiculous combinations of sauces. jonghyun learns he really likes it when he makes kibum laugh. and that day, he laughs a lot.

 

sometimes, jonghyun invites kibum over to watch him work on his music. he'll always say it's under duress but he likes it, the near silence, the semi-darkness the room is always in and a kibum who always looks at him with soft eyes and equally soft smile. it makes him feel bare; but in a way that isn't invasive, in a way that makes him think that this person really likes the way he is. sometimes he thinks kibum is one of his muses, but he never tells him that.

 

it's like they're dating; at least that's what sodam says when he tells her. but kibum doesn't define it, and jonghyun doesn't ask.

 

~-~

 

there's an ache between them, charged and vibrating. because kibum still doesn't touch him, not unless absolutely necessary, always dodges jonghyun's grasp. and jonghyun wants the touch, wants it like breath. he covets the moments on the motorbike, wind in their hair, where he presses too close into kibum, and kibum doesn't pull away.

 

at first, jonghyun had thought it just aversion to touch, but later realised kibum touched taemin a lot, touched minho like a habit. it should feel like rejection, except nothing else kibum does speaks of repulsion. he watches jonghyun with fond affectionate eyes and laughs at his jokes and pays attention to things he says. and it's good enough, perhaps, but jonghyun wants to know what kibum's long fingers feel like flat against his skin, yearns to fold himself into the curve of kibum's body and memorize every dip and edge. wants with a longing he can almost taste. it is like a desperate wild creature, caged between his lungs, and he doesn't know how long it will stay locked up.

 

maybe it's just him. just jonghyun. maybe there's a reason he doesn't understand yet. he wants to dive into kibum's mind, find out why he leans away from jonghyun's reach, like a dancer, like a shadow.

 

and maybe it's nothing at all, him overthinking easy things. maybe it's just kibum being cordial, doing his job as the head alpha's son, maybe it is simply what it is, two people spending time together, no games, no hidden meanings. or maybe it's all an elaborate cruel scheme and jonghyun is desperate enough to let himself be strung along, no questions asked. maybe.

 

he hopes not.

 

("you're stupid."

 

"i know."

 

"you could always ask the other three, you know. they probably understand better."

 

"i don't want to. not yet. i don't want to know if it's just kibum being polite; it would suck."

 

"oh my romantic little brother, what will i do with you?")

 

~-~

 

one sunday, jinki invites jonghyun over for dinner. well, to be accurate, he invites kibum and jonghyun on behalf on taemin, minho and himself.

 

"taemin wants to cook," he tells them the week before.

 

" _taemin_ can cook?" kibum scoffs. "thought you were the cook of the household."

 

" _hey!"_ taemin protests. "unnecessary. i can cook when i want to."

 

"he's been practising," minho says, slinging an arm around taemin's shoulders. "he's good!"

 

"also i'm supervising, so you won't be poisoned," jinki interjects.

 

"hey! that's not fair! you're supposed to be on my side, jinki."

 

"you know i always am, love." jinki tilts a grin in taemin's direction, reaching out to pat his hand. and minho laughs, loud and brash.

 

"so can you guys make it?"

 

"yeah, should be fine," jonghyun says, nodding.

 

kibum nods along. "i'll pick you up!" he tells jonghyun as an aside.

 

"okay," jonghyun says, involuntary smile unfurling across his face. he ignores the identical smirks that cross both minho and taemin's faces.

 

~-~

 

_from: bum_

ugh jjong i'm sorry. ming wants me to go over early today. something about we need to have a serious conversation. so i can't pick you up ):

 

_to: bum_

that's okay! i'll take the bus then.

 

_from: bum_

do you know the way? if not, i can tell ming we can talk after.

 

_to: bum_

it's fine. i went before, remember?

 

_from: bum_

okay. but call me if you get lost! i'll go find you. it'll be a good excuse to escape ming. he probably wants to lecture me about something again .-.

 

_to: bum_

lol best friend or dad friend?

 

_from: bum_

eternal question, honestly.

 

jonghyun chuckles softly, fingers moving quickly to tap out another message to kibum. it gets like that sometimes, conversations that span a few days, talking about everything and nothing at all; what they did, the news of the day, random pieces of celebrity gossip. it's easy. and sodam sees him often enough curled up at the end of the sofa giggling at his phone that she's deemed the giggle "the kibum laugh" and also has proclaimed that it's gross.

 

it's like they're dating. it really is. except they aren't.

 

jonghyun sighs a bit, ruffles up his own hair. he figures someone has to bring it up eventually. perhaps it'll come down to who cracks first. he suspects it'll be him.

 

~-~

 

when jonghyun arrives at the home, taemin is already in the kitchen. "he's making pasta, with bottled sauces," jinki tells him, eyes twinkling. "poisoning unlikely."

 

jonghyun laughs gleefully. and from the kitchen taemin waves a knife at him, half threatening.

 

"where's minho? and kibum?" jonghyun adds the second name like an afterthought, but jinki casts a shrewd glance his way and jonghyun knows he still isn't subtle.

 

"they're having some kind of best friend heartfelt talk in our room. kibum hasn't yelled yet so it should be better than usual. they do that once in a while," jinki says.

 

"we don't usually know what they talk about," he continues, answering jonghyun's unasked question. "what they talk about in private, stays private." he smiles at jonghyun, and then deftly changes the subject. "let's go help tae."

 

jonghyun understands that the gentle admonishment, knows it means _leave it_. and even if he wants to be a fly in that room, find out what secrets kibum tells minho, find out if any of the secrets has his name, he spends the rest of the time helping (and teasing) taemin. he doesn't quite want to share the weight of his wanting with anyone just yet.

 

~-~

 

"done!" taemin proclaims, after about half an hour, wiping his brow exaggeratedly. jinki watches fondly, affectionate smile on his mouth, and jonghyun chuckles.

 

"it smells good," he says.

 

"why do you sound surprised?" taemin demands, rounding on him. just in jest, but maybe it's because jonghyun's heat is only three weeks away and he's more attuned to emotion, because as taemin draws closer, there's a prickle of something else that flares in jonghyun's chest and tinges the air between them -- fear. for a moment, jonghyun feels the shadow of the wolves that used to emerge from under their skins, understands what it was like to live ruled by the base emotions.

 

then jinki reaches out to curl fingers around taemin's elbow and the ghosts in the air bleed just as quickly away.

 

"go get minho and key?" jinki requests, head tilting. "they're in the room to the right."

 

jonghyun darts off.

 

~-~

 

there are voices from behind the closed door that slowly crescendo as jonghyun draws closer.

 

first kibum's. "what do you want me to do? _tell him?"_

 

then minho's. "yes, instead of leading him on."

 

an almost inaudible half-sob. "i'm _not_ leading him on. i'm just- scared. what if i hurt him, back then? what if-"

 

"oh _bum_."

 

jonghyun doesn't understand, but there's an intimacy to the whole conversation that makes him feel like an interloper. he raps loudly on the door and the voices drop into silence.  when minho opens the door, his usual beam is already fixed in place. "taemin finished dinner? great!" he strides off towards the kitchen and jonghyun is left facing an uncharacteristically subdued kibum.

 

"hey you okay? got a minho lecture again?"

 

kibum lets a tiny laugh out at jonghyun's words. "yeah, as if one dad isn't enough. i apparently need two."

 

jonghyun chuckles too, and they leave it at that.

 

kibum is a little subdued throughout dinner too, his laugh less exuberant, his jabs less sharp. jonghyun forgets subtlety, choosing to glance too often and too long in kibum's direction. there's perhaps something that minho had brought up during the private conversation that kibum is mulling over, and he knows it isn't his place to pry, but there's an urge in him that desperately wants to understand, wants to dig under kibum's skin, become familiar with his heart.

 

when minho meets his eyes from across the table; there's something sympathetic in the gaze that makes jonghyun think minho knows exactly what is going on in his head. the shake of head is so slight it's barely seen, but jonghyun knows that, again, it means _leave it._

 

at the door just as jonghyun is getting ready to go, minho grabs his arm and pulls him to the side. "kibum will be okay," minho says seriously, reassuring and kind. "really."

 

"okay," jonghyun replies, nodding, still unsure but not able to explain why. _who was the 'him' they were talking about?_

 

"jjong!" kibum calls from inside the house, breaking the calm. and jonghyun spins to face him. "wait a bit, i'll send you home!" his smile is warm and hopeful, and jonghyun's returning smile is eager.

 

"okay!"

 

minho smiles too, one that makes jonghyun feel that minho alone is the only one who understands the full story. but jonghyun shakes it off, waiting near the door until kibum draws near.

 

"not that scared of the bike now huh?" kibum's voice is pitched low enough that minho cannot hear, his mouth close to jonghyun's ear.

 

"not anymore," jonghyun replies, just as quietly. they're standing close enough that if jonghyun stretches up, he could kiss kibum. it feels like a secret, a thrill. it feels like they actually are one unit.

 

when kibum pulls out his extra helmet, it isn't silver like jonghyun expects. "i got it re-coloured," kibum says, laughing at jonghyun's expression of surprise. "it matches your hair now!"

 

"you made it pink," minho observes from the doorway.

 

"i like it," jonghyun says, mouth stretched wide into a grin; he's sure his cheeks are a similar shade to the helmet.

 

kibum smiles back, eyes squeezed tight, and something jonghyun's chest clenches too at the sight.

 

he slides the helmet over his head and climbs on the bike behind kibum. it's familiar now, the rush of wind, the strength of kibum's back, the adrenaline of the way the vehicle takes swerves. he likes it now. the sleek surety of it reminds him of kibum.

 

usually kibum would drop him off, take the extra helmet from jonghyun, put it into the trunk, and then as soon as jonghyun is inside the block, depart with a wave.

 

but this time, when jonghyun gets off and hands him the helmet, kibum doesn't take it. instead he flips open his visor and grins up jonghyun. "it's yours," he says.

 

"what?" jonghyun's hands tighten on the helmet. "what?"

 

"do you see me giving anyone else rides? you might as well keep it. it matches you anyway." kibum turns away, as if the conversation is finished, and jonghyun holds onto the pink helmet like it's a crutch.

 

"don't. no. i-" without quite thinking, jonghyun closes his fingers over kibum's upper arm, tight, too tight for kibum to shake off.

 

"jjong?" there's confusion in kibum's gaze.

 

"what are we?" jonghyun whispers. "you- we're halfway to somewhere and i'm still not sure if it's somewhere you want to go. you do these things but you never touch me, not really. and i don't know what that means. i don't know what it means. everything. the texts, you always paying. this!" he lifts the helmet.

 

kibum stares at him wordlessly, eyes open wide in surprise and apology. and jonghyun thinks maybe what he's doing is pathetic but maybe he's so goddamned desperate that he doesn't care.

 

he swallows then lets the words stumble past his lips, the request he's been wanting to raise for a while. "my heat comes in three weeks. will you help me?"

 

something shifts in kibum's face and for a moment jonghyun sees desire there, stark and bare. hungry. the wolf again, prowling under human bones. "what are you asking me?"

 

jonghyun laughs, slightly wild. "surely you understand that. i'm asking you to consider me for a mate. i'm asking- i'm asking for this to become something i can define. i'm asking you to tell me 'no' if that's the answer. i'm asking you to _touch me. kiss me. love me_ . _"_

 

desperate, so desperate. kibum's hands curl into tight fists. "minho said i was leading you on. do you think so too?"

 

"it depends on where you're planning to lead me," jonghyun says, voice level now.

 

they stare at each other in silence, unspoken words and meanings twisting in the air. and the stillness is finally broken when kibum sighs and runs his fingers roughly through his hair. "i want to- i- no. you- i want-" he sucks in a harsh breath, squeezing his eyes shut.

 

when they reopen, his gaze is clear and steady. "let me think," he says finally, eyes peering straight at jonghyun. "give me a bit of time to figure out my head. please."

 

"okay," jonghyun says, unwilling to issue an ultimatum, unable to think of anything else to say. "just- think hard," he finishes weakly, finally unlatching his fingers from where they were digging into kibum's arm.

 

"that i will." kibum tilts a crooked smile at him. "keep the helmet."

 

and as jonghyun watches, cradling the pink helmet to his chest, kibum rides away.

 

a prince riding off into the sunset, without a princess. jonghyun laughs at himself, then turns and goes into the apartment block.

 

~-~

 

kibum doesn't text him for the next week, doesn't reply any messages and jonghyun doesn't think much of it, remembering the way kibum had looked pleadingly at him. _give me time._ perhaps shutting off communication with jonghyun is one way to do that.

 

it's strange, not having kibum's name pop up on his screen every ten minutes or so. strange experiencing things and then not telling him almost immediately. it's been less than a year since he's met kibum and somehow he has fitted himself too easily into jonghyun's day to day life. like he had always been there.

 

"fucking fool," he mutters to himself. "if kibum decides he doesn't want whatever this is, will i lose him entirely too?" he shouldn't have pushed, shouldn't have asked, shouldn't have--

 

_to: bum_

ignore everything i said that day. obviously i was overreacting.

 

this time the reply comes almost immediately.

 

_from: bum_

you weren't.

 

_from: bum_

there's a couple of things i should talk to you about. just...give me a bit more time.

 

jonghyun sighs, falling backwards onto his bed.

 

_to: bum_

okay. i'm sorry.

 

_from: bum_

please don't be.

 

 _i really like you._ jonghyun thinks suddenly. _i really really like you._

 

~-~

 

when sunday rolls around, kibum still isn't responding to him. so for the first time in months, jonghyun makes his way to the cafe himself for the regular meetup. he's almost unsurprised when kibum doesn't eventually turn up there either. what _is_ surprising is that the only one who does show up is minho.

 

"so," minho begins, propping his chin in his hands, training his attention onto jonghyun. "i heard you asked kibum to help you through heat."

 

jonghyun sighs. "i guess i should have expected him to tell _you_ , huh."

 

minho shrugs. "well he needed to explain to someone why he was disappearing on us."

 

"you guys too?"

 

"kibum likes to isolate himself to think. the first time he did that, he forgot to tell everyone and his father nearly sent out a search party. so nowadays he always tells me."

 

"right." jonghyun doesn't know what else to say, the weight of shared history he isn't privy to is an unwanted weight on his chest.

 

"what exactly do you want from him?" minho says, gentle.

 

"what do i-? i want him to consider me for a mate. i want. i just- i want him. and i want him to want me back. i- it's simple. why is this turning out so fucking complicated?"

 

minho stares at the table contemplatively for a moment. "he doesn't want to be an alpha who destroys people, who takes what isn't offered," he explains eventually.

 

"but i'm offering _,"_ jonghyun snaps. "i'm _offering_."

 

he slides lower into the chair. "maybe he just doesn't want what i'm offering," he whispers sadly.

 

minho lets out a sigh.

 

"i can tell you that's not it at all. kibum is...very careful most of the time. he never has sex unless he thinks it's really consensual. never promises unless he knows he can fulfil it. he doesn't want to end up harming someone. it's his father's example i think. he's being especially careful with you, i think. you are...special"

 

"i don't _feel_ special."

 

"really?" minho stares at him, eyebrow raised, and jonghyun recalls the soft admiration in kibum's eyes when he listens to jonghyun's music; how he remembers the little things -- like the way jonghyun takes his coffee, that he likes collecting scented candles and magnets; how he tried hard to get to know jonghyun's family; the hours they spend just talking sometimes, like kibum wants to understand everything in jonghyun's heart.

 

"oh," jonghyun whispers, realisation dawning. "then _why_?"

 

"he's...freaking out over something far too easily solved is the short answer." minho says, shaking his head.

 

" _so_ , i'm taking you somewhere. and i know he's gonna try to kill me for it but i also think if i don't do this, the standstill will turn permanent."

 

"also for the record, i told him to _just bloody talk to you_."

 

minho stands and walks out of the cafe without looking back and jonghyun has to jog to keep up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh gosh i'm sorry this is so long lol. let me know what you think! things finally be moving ^^


	7. Chapter 7

"what is going on between you and jonghyun?" minho's opening question is a challenge.

 

"nothing. absolutely nothing," kibum replies, pushing down the anxiety rising in his throat.

 

"really? because  _ you _ might be careful never to put him on social media but he has no such considerations. based on his instagram stories, you see him an average of three times a week, not counting the cafe." kibum flinches at the matter of fact tone.

 

that's when minho's expression softens. "what's going on, bum? i know you're careful about relationships but you're being slightly over the top about this one. you avoid him every time he reaches to touch you, don't think i haven't noticed. and yet you're quietly spending at least half your free time alone with him."

 

"i just like being around him," kibum says.

 

"oh that part's pretty obvious. now what's the truth?"

 

under minho's steady patient gaze, kibum breaks down. the story comes out in bits and pieces, the first time he saw jonghyun under the tree, pink haired and small, the heat and the sex and jonghyun vanishing right after. 

 

"for some reason i never forgot; he was like a woodland spirit i came across by accident. and it almost didn't matter that i'll never see him again, because woodland spirits aren't meant to be a part of your life. then the new family came and there he was, my woodland spirit. he didn't remember me though, and i hated that. i hated that he was burned into my memory and i just disappeared from his."

 

"bum, when you're in heat, sometimes your memory isn't the best. you know this."

 

"i do, but i also wondered if maybe i hurt him and it was some kind of defense mechanism to forget me. if maybe i was a secret trauma."

 

"bum-"

 

"then we got to know him and oh ming, he's  _ adorable _ . he's so clever and intuitive and funny and kind and so talented. and i- i  _ want _ him, i want to keep him, i want to love him. but i can't because i haven't told him about before and what we did and i don't know if i should or if he even wants me back or if he does but it'll change if i tell him and i don't want it to change. so i thought let's just be friends you know? just. friends."

 

"you know you're not just friends, right?"

 

"i don't know how it happened. i just wanted to be near him. i just-"

 

"oh bum."

 

"i don't know what to do."

 

"i think you do."

 

minho says he's leading jonghyun on, says the best solution is to tell him, let the pieces fall where they might. because at least it's truth. and kibum understands, he does. but he's afraid, of what he could lose, of what he might gain. 

 

jonghyun is an ache in his chest, longing in his bones, both lethal and a balm. kibum wants him but is afraid to let himself. 

 

and yet he keeps finding himself drifting closer and closer, trying all the ways to tie himself tight.

 

~-~

 

kibum wasn't lying when he said he hasn't meant to lead jonghyun on, hadn't planned to spend that much time alone with him. the first time when he asked to go to watch him make music, it had been simple curiosity. the second time, at the party, he told himself he was just being polite. but every time after that was like sliding down an increasingly slippery slope. he enjoyed being with jonghyun. it was easy, it was fun, whether they were laughing at something silly or if they were debating a particular political ideology. at some point kibum must have realised how often they saw each other, since he stopped putting it on social media, but he couldn't make himself stop. didn't actually want to.

 

maybe not touching jonghyun, not allowing them to develop physical closeness was his compromise. a bargain. if they didn't touch they weren't anything more; kibum didn't need to tell him, kibum wasn't leading him on. what he didn't expect was to burn with a longing that sometimes left him breathless. he wanted to cleave to jonghyun, press into him, watch him come undone again and again. everything he thought he shouldn't let himself want.

 

the helmet had been an impulse; the maintenance guy had mentioned an offer and kibum had thought immediately of jonghyun's baby pink hair and the way he clung to kibum like a child every time they rode on the bike. 

 

so he told him about a frequent passenger with pink hair and readily agreed to the recolour and hadn't bothered to correct the man when he assumed "lover".

 

he had thought jonghyun would smile up at him, eyes crinkled and happy. that maybe he would try to hug him and this time kibum would let him. that it would be what triggers jonghyun to demand clarity is a surprise. he told himself it an innocent gift, friend to friend, nothing more. but maybe he had been wading in the grey area of their relationship too long. maybe he had already successfully convinced himself that it wasn't anything more than friendship. they never touched much, but emotionally perhaps they had already gone much further. 

 

_ i want you to touch me. kiss me. love me. _

 

this boy wants him. direct and sure. and kibum wonders what he'll say if he knows kibum wants him back.

 

kibum's stomach twists, desire like white fire in his veins, burning up the oxygen in his lungs.  _ what if i touch you and you turn into dust? _

 

instead he asks for time, time to think, time to understand, time to form the words. 

 

_ you met me long before this, and i've touched you before. and you don't remember. i must have hurt you. did i hurt you? forgive me. forgive me. _

 

every word seems inadequate.

 

he spends the next week in a haze of uncertainty, doing his work with half of his usual attention, mind replaying jonghyun's emotional desperate words. if kibum had reached out in that moment and kissed him, would that have changed anything? 

 

would he still feel that way once kibum told him? 

 

he closes his eyes, dragging his hand across his face.

 

perhaps the only way to find out is to ask.

 

~-~

 

on sunday he finds himself wandering back to the forest, where he usually goes to think, to be alone. and where he first met jonghyun. 

 

he's afraid, that jonghyun's soft openness will change when he finds out, that he will close off and the easy warmth will freeze up. like the icicles in winter, so sharp they could stab someone. could stab kibum.

 

he pulls himself up a tree, looks at the horizon in the distance and forces himself to breathe. there's something comforting about solitude, away from the consistent noise of everyday life. problems seem easy to solve when he's here, here it seems possible that everything he's created in his head is just that -- overthinking, overreaction. here it's possible that jonghyun's bright smile will never extinguish, that the way he looks at kibum -- tender and affectionate -- will never be erased. 

 

the murmur of voices below distract him from his thoughts.

 

"i know this place."

 

"thought you would."

 

"is this..?"

 

"you'll see."

 

then a very familiar voice shouts. "alright kim kibum i'm sick of your moping. if you're gonna tell him 'no', just say it."

 

god damn this choi minho. "i'm  _ not _ going to say no, you asshole," kibum retorts sharply.

 

"really?" this voice isn't minho's.

 

"fuck," kibum whispers, and then louder, "jjong?"

 

he swings himself down, and comes face to face with jonghyun, wide-eyed and hopeful. behind him, minho is backing away, triumphant smile bright on his face, he's flashing two thumbs up signs at kibum. kibum ignores minho, focusing instead on jonghyun, standing too still in front of him. "you're not going to say no?"

 

"no, of course not. no," he blurts out, without quite thinking.  _ too quick, kim, so eager, _ he berates himself.

 

"then, why?" the distance, the thinking, the lack of reply.

 

kibum opens his mouth, then closes it again. "i don't know how to- i don't-" he can feel terror hot at the back of his throat, fear winding around his vocal chords.  _ how do you ask if you hurt someone? how do you start trying to make reparation?  _

 

jonghyun stares at him in confused silence for a moment, then his eyes flicker up to the tree kibum had clambered down from, and surprise and understanding suddenly sweep across his face. "maybe it  _ was _ you," he mutters. there's a spark of joy in the tone of his voice.

 

kibum doesn't know if he should respond, what it means, the emotion, the words, and he's relieved when jonghyun changes the subject. "do you come here often?"

 

"yeah," kibum admits. "when i need to get away from things. no one really comes here anymore." _i saw you once,_ _but i don't think you remember._ the words are ready on the tip of his tongue, but jonghyun speaks before he can.

 

"i know this place," jonghyun tells him, gaze far away. "my family was visiting taemin's family and my heat came too early. i didn't want to be around alphas like that, so i ran, and found myself here. but there was an alpha here too, imagine that. he seemed to me like someone from a dream. he wanted to leave at first, i think, let me deal with it alone. but i  _ wanted _ him to touch me. and then, he did. and  _ god _ i still remember the way his hands felt on me." kibum feels something hot coil in his stomach at the feral look in jonghyun's eyes.

 

"i wanted to stay forever, but my family was leaving so i couldn't. he was still sleeping when i left. i remember kissing him. one last time. for memory." he pauses, and his eyes focus right on kibum. 

 

"i thought he would stay a dream."

 

kibum sucks in a breath. he feels like his legs have been drained of all their strength. jonghyun draws closer. "that was you, right? i almost thought it was, that first time i saw you at your house. you looked so familiar, but your hair is different and i couldn't quite recall your face exactly and it was such a strange question to ask. later on it didn't really matter so much because i started to really like you. but i think maybe it matters to you. right?" he lifts a hand to cradle kibum's cheek. kibum closes his eyes, leaning into the touch, despite himself.

 

"i thought i hurt you back then, forced you. like all the alphas i never wanted to be," he confesses. "i didn't want to hurt you again."

 

"you didn't. i asked for you, remember? i begged."

 

"i remember," kibum whispers. when he opens his eyes, jonghyun is looking at him, gaze too direct. kibum feels bare, too exposed.

 

"i would beg for you again," jonghyun says, voice low. kibum swallows on a dry throat, his hands are trembling.

 

"i thought," kibum continues, "if i let myself touch you, i would never want to let go."

 

"then don't."

 

jonghyun's expression is fierce and sure, something kibum thinks he could hold on to when the rest of the world has collapsed. kibum's breath turns solid in his chest.

 

"what?"

 

"don't let go."

 

there's a beat, like the world is holding its breath, and then they crash into each other. kibum doesn't know who moved first, but he doesn't think it matters, because jonghyun is pressed to his chest, arms tight around kibum's neck and mouth demanding and hot on kibum's. 

 

_ mine _ , kibum thinks, possessive.  _ mine.  _ he angles his head and easily deepens the kiss, delighting at the unashamed moan that jonghyun lets out. he pulls jonghyun even closer.

 

~-~

 

"i really like you," jonghyun whispers later. "i realise i never quite said that, before we-" he waves in the air.

 

"before we made out for like half an hour straight?"

 

"wow okay obviously there was no point trying to be discreet." kibum sputters out a laugh at jonghyun's insulted expression.

 

"i really like you too," kibum says, voice serious now. "when you didn't remember me i thought maybe i must have done something the last time, and the longer i didn't bring it up, the bigger it got in my head. and it was so ridiculous and i probably should have told you earlier but-"

 

"you were scared." at the words, kibum tilts his head in jonghyun's direction and smiles apologetically.

 

jonghyun reaches over and curls his hand over kibum's, leaning his head against kibum's shoulder. 

 

"if minho hadn't brought me here, would you have told me eventually?"

 

kibum's heart jumps to his throat. "i didn't want to," he admits. "i wanted to pretend nothing was going on, but you had already laid everything out and more than anything i wanted to keep you. so i think i would have. eventually."

 

"also i would have fucking hated to see you ask someone else to help you with heat so probably before that," he adds, with a sheepish grin, looping an arm around jonghyun's waist to pull him flush to his side.

 

jonghyun's laugh is soft. "you're mine, yes?"

 

"yes," kibum says. "and you're mine."

 

"mine," jonghyun repeats. he traces patterns with his finger along kibum's thigh. "you know, if you're free right now, we could go practice for heat..." 

 

kibum's fingers clench into jonghyun's hip. he catches sight of a tiny smirk on jonghyun's mouth. 

 

"you're incredible." 

 

"not quite the answer i was looking for, alpha." kibum doesn't know if the drop in pitch is deliberate but the tiptoeing fingers high up his inner thigh definitely are. his stomach tightens. there's something frantic about the desire that pulses so quick and hot between them, almost like their bodies want to make up for wasted time.

 

"my house is a very short walk from here," kibum offers, breathless.

 

" _ there's _ the answer," jonghyun says, wicked grin spreading across his face.

 

"if we run it'll be faster." kibum grabs his wrist and tugs, and jonghyun laughs, free and exuberant.

 

kibum's mum glances up as they race through the front door and up the stairs to his room, and kibum swears there's a tiny smile that lights on her usually stoic face. but then he's pressing jonghyun into the bed and greedily licking his way into his mouth, tugging his clothes away. and nothing else really matters but the warmth of jonghyun's skin under his hands, the lust in his hooded eyes and the sounds that he is making, high-pitched, needy and completely shameless. 

 

~-~

 

_ from: sataem _

so…. 

 

_ from: sataem  _

didja fuck on the forest floor?

 

_ to: mingo _

you told taemin?!

 

_ to: mingo _

best friend card revoked immediately

 

_ to: mingo  _

also since everyone is so bloody interested, we did it on my bed, and my chair. and in the shower.

 

_ from: mingo _

/i/ wasn't the one who asked!!!!

 

_ to: mingo  _

too bad. go train your alpha better.

 

_ from: jinks _

care to explain why my mates are chasing each other around the house?


	8. Chapter 8

"well well kim kibum, is that a bonding sign set i see you holding?"

 

"why do you sound so amused."

 

"wow. cartier. is it for jonghyun?"

 

"no, i've been secretly dating someone else for the past three and a half years. of course it's for jjong."

 

"interesting."

 

"don't waggle your eyebrows like that, it's not as cool as you think."

 

"for the record, you have our blessings."

 

"who the hell said i need  _ your  _ blessings?"

 

"ah what a turn of events; who'd have thought confirmed single kim kibum would ever be worrying over how to ask someone to be his mate?"

 

"get out of my room, tae."

 

"three and a half years, huh? that's at least a year longer than average. jonghyun's patience must be incredible. or is it the sex?"

 

"i'm calling jinki."

 

~-~

 

_ from: jjong ♡ _

baby, can you meet me at the forest at 4 later?

 

_ to: jjong ♡ _

okay but why? we have a reservation at 6 for dinner

 

_ from: jjong ♡ _

secret! you'll find out

 

_ to: jjong ♡ _

if we miss dinner you'll have to make it up to me…

 

_ from: jjong ♡ _

many ways i can think of for that ;)

 

_ to: jjong ♡ _

maybe we can try some of that out even if we don't miss dinner

 

_ from: jjong ♡ _

is that a promise or a threat?

 

~-~

 

when kibum gets to the forest, jonghyun is already there, leaning against one of the trees and fiddling with his phone. he's dressed up; button-up shirt, slim tapered pants, hair carefully styled. kibum grins at the sight and walks forward to wrap his arms around jonghyun's waist in a hug. "hi."

 

jonghyun's grin up at him is blinding. "hi," he whispers back, leaning up to press his lips to kibum's, looping his arms around kibum's neck. kibum hums into the kiss, tilting his head and pressing closer, lips curving into a smile when jonghyun releases a small mewl from the back of his throat, arching up to push even closer. when kibum lets his tongue slide into jonghyun's half open mouth, jonghyun's fingers dig into kibum's hair and he deepens the kiss further and they lose track of time. 

 

"that was a good welcome," jonghyun remarks when they pull apart. 

 

"i missed you," kibum says. they're seated on the grass now, jonghyun in kibum's lap and there's a stray thought that passes through kibum's head, that they'll probably need to go home to change if they want to be presentable for the restaurant. but he ignores it, content to just be holding jonghyun again. 

 

"i was away for only four days this time." 

 

kibum hums, mouthing at the hickey on jonghyun's collarbone. "i missed you," he repeats.

 

"i missed you too," jonghyun says. 

 

they sit in silence for a long moment before jonghyun clambers off kibum. "okay so i need you to climb up this tree."

 

"what?"

 

"climb up!"

 

"love, you realise we're both dressed up right? gonna ruin good clothes."

 

"please?" 

 

there's something quiet and serious about the way jonghyun is looking up at him, like there's a weight to the request that kibum isn't supposed to understand just yet. "okay," he says, shrugging off his blazer and balancing himself against the tree. he climbs up easily, muscle memory kicking in despite not coming to the forest as often as he used to. 

 

kibum can hear rustling from below and he peeks through the leaves to see jonghyun digging through his bag. but he can't quite see what exactly his boyfriend has in hand. "what are you doing, love?"

 

jonghyun takes a while to reply, and when he does, his voice is almost dreamy. "do you remember when we first met?"

 

"of course, at taemin's."

 

"no, the very first time."

 

a soft, sentimental smile lights on kibum's face. "here," he says. 

 

"you were like a dream, come down from the sky for me," jonghyun says. "my dream come true." 

 

kibum laughs. "you were mine too. are mine." he's still talking to jonghyun through the branches and leaves.

 

there's a pause. then jonghyun clears his throat. "i'm not sure how to ask this but. will you be my mate?" 

 

before kibum's astonished gaze, jonghyun drops to one knee, his hand holding up an incredibly familiar red box with a ring and bracelet set. heart beating too rapidly, kibum quickly lowers himself down the tree. he's laughing, half in surprise, half in sheer joy.

 

"stand up you ridiculous thing! of course i will. in fact i brought-" rushing to his blazer, he slides his hand into the pocket and pulls out a distinctive red box. identical to the one in jonghyun's hand.

 

"cartier?" jonghyun asks, slightly breathless. "great minds huh?" 

 

kibum laughs. he strides closer to jonghyun. "were you trying to recreate the first time we met?" 

 

jonghyun ducks his head, cheeks flushing. "yeah."

 

"you're ridiculous," kibum whispers. 'i love you.' he presses his lips to jonghyun's cheek. 

 

"love you too," jonghyun whispers back, head still lowered.

 

"you pretty much just proposed to me, and  _ now  _ you're shy?" kibum teases. he tips jonghyun's head up gently to face him and presses their mouths together. jonghyun grins against his mouth, and his arms lift to wind around kibum's waist. 

 

"if taemin finds out about this, he's never going to let me live it down, who knew you'd steal my lines?" kibum murmurs when they pull apart. 

 

"well... minho," jonghyun says, shrugging. his expression is sheepish.

 

kibum rolls his eyes. "of course. my nosey gossip of a best friend. of course  _ he'd _ know." he recalls minho's fervent encouragement to ask jonghyun today, and it all makes sense. 

 

he stares at jonghyun's shy smile then gently lifts his hand to slide the jewellery on. it's quiet and without ceremony, but somehow it feels like a binding promise. jonghyun's eyes are filled with soft wonder and joy, and so much love that something inside kibum clenches tight with emotion.

 

" _ mate _ ," jonghyun whispers, clear eyes pinned to kibum. when he slides on the ring and bracelet for kibum, his hands are shaking. 

 

"yes," kibum replies, smiling. " _ mate."  _ the word is pushed out almost too forcefully.

 

their kiss this time is fuelled by urgency and want, jonghyun easily opening his mouth to the touch of kibum's tongue and kibum has jonghyun pressed and moaning against the nearest tree before he comes back to himself. he pulls away with effort, trying to ignore the whimper jonghyun lets out.

 

"we have dinner," he croaks out. 

 

jonghyun whines again, hands gripping the back of kibum's shirt. "i don't care," he mutters. "they have a waiting list. i don't." his hips move up once, twice. kibum's breath catches. he can feel jonghyun hard against him, knows his own arousal is just as obvious.

 

"alpha," jonghyun whispers. his hand moves to palm kibum through his pants.

 

"you're dangerous," kibum whispers back. but he's already leaning in again. 

 

"not dangerous," jonghyun says. "i just want you." then he's fiddling with the clasp on kibum's pants and sliding his fingers in and all rational thought is very quickly blown away. 

 

~-~

 

"you're so forward," kibum says later. they've sunk to the ground, jonghyun wrapped around him. "no one ever believes me when i say that. 'jonghyun?' they say. 'but he's such a sweet shy tiny thing!'"

 

"i just don't have to be forward with anyone else," jonghyun says. he looks up at kibum and his smile turns wicked. 

 

jonghyun slides down kibum's body, eyes still pinned to him. he grazes his teeth over kibum's hipbone, then licks slowly down, with single-minded purpose.

 

"what- jjong. oh  _ fuck."  _ kibum's voice trails off into a guttural groan, helpless to the sensations of jonghyun's lips and tongue. he reaches down and tightens his grip into jonghyun's hair.  _ "fuck." _

 

and there in the forest no one else goes into, a place that has somehow become  _ theirs _ , they remap each other's bodies, learning what makes each other scream, curse, fall apart. over and over.

 

~-~

 

if kibum had a choice, he'd have done this on a beautiful bed in a beautiful room, lit with candlelight and filled with a soft fragrance. but perhaps it's apt, that it's here in the forest where they first met and where they had first confessed love. 

 

kibum's teeth close onto the skin on jonghyun's neck and jonghyun's eyes flash open. "mine," kibum whispers, tongue soothing over the bite. their gazes meet.   
  
"yours," jonghyun whispers back, his voice hoarse, and he comes with a cry of kibum's name.    
  
it feels almost like electricity is knitting them together, bones and flesh to heart and soul.    
  
there's a moment when the world stops, and the only thing that matters is jonghyun arching up under him, slowly coming apart. the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.    
  
and then the tide rises up to take him too and he's lost.    
  


~-~

 

when they come back to themselves, the sky is dark. "we should go back," kibum whispers. "i don't want to spend the night here. i don't want  _ you _ to."

 

"i'll go anywhere with you," jonghyun replies, foolish smile stretching over his mouth.

 

"silly."

 

"carry me." jonghyun raises his arms up and smiles beseechingly at kibum. 

 

"clean up first," he says gently. jonghyun pouts but starts pulling on his clothes. 

 

"everyone is gonna know what we did," he tells kibum, rubbing at a stain on his pants. 

 

"i'm not sure it'll even surprise anyone anymore," kibum mutters wryly. according to taemin, they have a bit of a reputation.

 

jonghyun's laughter is smug.

 

~-~

 

"does it hurt?" kibum asks later, talking about the claim mark. he hooks hands under jonghyun's backside as jonghyun loops his legs around kibum's waist. within the night the wound would heal into a perfect scar, remnants of a genetic history that sometimes seems all too close.    
  
"just a little," jonghyun says. "not enough to worry about." he slings arms around kibum's neck and nuzzles close. 

 

"i like how you smell," he tells him. 

 

kibum snorts. "i smell like you and sex."

 

"exactly," jonghyun replies, almost triumphantly.

 

kibum laughs and holds him closer.

 

~-~

 

"do you think your parents are awake?"

 

"we'll find out soon, i guess."

 

"oh. do you think it'll bother them if we try out shower sex again?"

 

"jjong!"

 

"if they mind, we could go to my house. sodam made me buy earplugs for both her and mum."

 

"you what-? you are  _ incredible _ ."

 

"that means you want to try too, doesn't it."

 

"..."

 

"when we get our apartment i want a dog. and a really big bed. and a nice shower."

 

"mm. i see your priorities."

 

"as if you wouldn't enjoy it too."

 

~-~

 

"my mum says our ancestors believed in soulmates," jonghyun says later that night. he curls lazily into kibum, eyes already drooping with sleep. "do you think we could be?"

 

"you're my dream come true," kibum whispers, kissing jonghyun on his claim mark. "i don't think soulmates are much different from that."

 

jonghyun smiles. "i don't think it's much different either," he whispers, reaching out to intertwine their fingers. kibum laughs softly, then leans in and kisses him.

 

"love you most in the world," jonghyun says as he drops off into sleep.

 

"love you more than anything," kibum replies, voice choked with meaning, running tender fingers through jonghyun's hair.

 

~-~

 

when kibum wakes up the next morning tangled in jonghyun, he smiles. he can still smell them in the air, like they had left their mark on the world. his gaze falls on the small white scar low on jonghyun's neck, a clear imprint of kibum's teeth.  _ mine _ , it seems to tell him, fierce and certain.  _ all mine. _

 

he thinks sometimes you find love by accident, that when you're not quite looking it'll follow you home. he reaches over to stroke jonghyun's hair and jonghyun mutters something unintelligible and tucks himself closer into kibum's side.

 

sometimes, kibum thinks, happiness falls into your life entirely by chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the end! ^^ thanks for reading.


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